to make the two of you

 

i haven’t been on here too much for a couple of years now. and the only reason i can give is, well, babies :). and it isn’t as though writing isn’t always with me, knocking on her window, asking to be allowed in…but titanic shifts, and some collisions and catastrophes as well have occurred, and sometimes my impulse is to keep those things which feed my soul the most at arms length until i come back off the ledge.

at other times i think poetry melts into the very fabric of our lives, and speaks her lines through the days that we live through, the arc of our bodies as we pull ourselves out of bed, it’s ruffled shape when we lay it back down at the end of it all. poetry will always find voice in life, because poetry is life, but what a thrill to feel her shaping herself through the words that move through me, as well, once more…

i now have so much that i have always ached for, and although i continue to build toward the shoreline of my highest calling, of my emancipated life with each new blessing, i was told recently that i would live when the possibility of death had made her presence felt and because of these gifts (of blessings and of the threat of their loss, both), gratitude-gratitude-gratitude has begun to supplant desire as the new heartbeat of my life.

poetry has a way of growing us up, of lending a solemnity, even to the celebration. of ordering the un-orderable into sweet lines, and unexpected conclusions. she is always here, but life feels more when i answer her gentle knock at the window, and agree, yes, you may flow through me once again…

if we have connected on here in the past, would you write a line of greeting? i would love to hear from all of you.

 

here is a poem to my daughters.

 

to make the two of you

 

broken along every axis

to make the two of you

 

remade by fire

the slow burn of waiting

of worry, and not knowing

 

the sharp burn

of bottomless pain

that re-births me

alongside you

 

but then it’s all eyes

both of yours

and of mine

 

of conversation in real-time

divorced from the watery depths

 

i knew you well

when you were inside

but now we meet again

 

no more tubes, or secret touch

no more nurses, or monitor lines

no more separation by long

hallways i struggle down

 

no more sovereignty derailed

no more recovery time

 

now it’s just peace

in between the constant, daily

shifts as the continental love i feel

laps up against your brilliance

 

she said, ‘it’s like your heart

has jumped out of your body,

and is running around outside.’

 

i say, my heart is not big enough

to contain my love for you